What To Say When Someone Dies: Essential Scripts for Financial Crisis Communication During Grief

This post is about what to say when someone dies in Canada. It’s meant to help give you a communication tool during grief to help you say the most difficult thing you may ever say. 

The hardest part was talking about it. “I lost my son,” weren’t words that my brain was capable of getting to my tongue. When normal strangers (this is Canada, after all) asked, “How are you?”, even just in passing, one million things passed through my brain, and instead of answering, I mostly just felt my eyes watered. 

“What?” I thought to myself. “Do I have to tell 100 people this?” It felt like my heart was destined to break, again, and again, and again.

What I didn’t realise was that … when someone dies, grief literally rewires your brain, making the simplest conversations feel impossible – yet financial institutions and employers need immediate notification.

I thought it was just me. 

This cruel timing taught me that grieving families in Canada don’t need more advice about “taking care of yourself.” 

They need exact words to say when their minds can’t form sentences. 

They need scripts that work when grief has hijacked their ability to think clearly.

How grief hijacks your communication ability

Grief causes what neuroscientists call “grief brain” – a measurable change in cognitive function where your prefrontal cortex (decision-making center) becomes less active while your limbic system (survival center) takes over. Research shows this affects memory, concentration, word-finding, and information processing for months after a loss. You’re not “losing it” – your brain is literally rewired for survival mode.

RELATED: Read What To Do About Money When Someone Dies

This makes “what to say when someone dies” a very difficult task.

Years later, I look back on the 1-18 months after losing my son, and my memory isn’t correct. It’s only until I look at google photos memories or see dates on emails that I understand – I was under “grief brain” and wasn’t able to handle the load. 

During what I have termed “grief fog”, you’ll face an overwhelming communication burden: banks freeze accounts immediately upon death notification, employers need formal bereavement documentation, and service providers require specific information to transfer or close accounts. 

In Canada, while there’s no legal deadline for notifying financial institutions, prompt notification prevents complications and protects assets.

The research is clear: requiring grieving people to repeatedly explain traumatic details causes retraumatization. Yet the practical reality demands multiple difficult conversations exactly when your brain can least handle them.

The conversation scripts that preserve your dignity

What to say to Canadian financial institutions

First of all, yes, Canadians are very polite on the phone. There’s a lot of small talk. It’s allowed. When you’re dealing with grief, though, be short, direct, pause and say only what’s needed for the information to process. Here’s what to say when someone dies to financial institutions.

Have ready before calling: Full name, date of birth, and last address of deceased; death certificate number (bottom left of certificate); account numbers if available; your relationship to deceased and ID. 

Phone script: “Hello, I need to report the death of an account holder. The deceased’s name is [Full Name], date of birth [Date], who passed away on [Date]. I am the [relationship/executor]. I have the death certificate and can provide the certificate number. Could you please freeze the account and let me know what documents you’ll need to proceed?”

Key fact: Major Canadian banks (RBC, TD, CIBC, BMO, Scotia) all require original death certificate, will (if available), executor identification, and estate-related invoices for immediate expenses.

Pro Tip: Remind them that they are legally required to show “high level of cooperation” with grieving families.

Scripts to tell employers and schools

Email template for work: “I am writing to inform you of the death of my [relationship], [Name], who died on [Date]. I will need bereavement leave starting [Date] through [Expected return date] to handle arrangements. I have [completed urgent tasks/arranged coverage]. I can be reached at [phone number] for only the most urgent matters. Thank you for your understanding.” Indeed

For your child’s school: “Our family has experienced the death of [relationship to child, name] on [date]. [Child’s name] may need additional support and may be absent for [funeral/family time]. We appreciate any support you can provide during this difficult period.”

Handling difficult questions and pushy responses

Some friends asked way too much for help I didn’t know I needed. Others didn’t ask enough. Still, some didn’t ask at all. Years later, I’m still wading through trying to reconnect while letting others go. 

When someone asks inappropriate questions about the death, use these research-backed responses:

• “Why would you ask me that?”
• “That’s very personal”
• “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not ready to discuss details” 

For work-related pressure: “I realize you’re trying to help, but I am not ready for additional commitments during my grieving process. I need to focus on my healing right now.”

Language differences for sudden versus expected death

What to say when someone dies is difficult no matter the loss – but here’s some templates to help when it’s sudden or expected.

Sudden death notification: “I have some shocking news. [Name] died [briefly when/how]. I know this is completely unexpected and devastating.” Follow with: “I know nothing can prepare you for news like this.”

Expected death after illness: “[Name] passed away peacefully this [morning/evening]. We knew this was coming, but it’s still so hard.” Follow with: “Even though we knew this was coming, the reality is difficult.”

When you’re too emotional to think clearly

Simple responses you can use:

• “I can’t talk right now, but thank you”
• “This is too hard to discuss today”
• “I appreciate you reaching out. I’m not able to talk about it right now”

For delegating responses: “[Name] has asked me to let everyone know they’re grateful for the support but need space to grieve. Please understand they may not respond to messages right now.”

You Don’t Have To Navigate This Alone

Remember: You don’t have to navigate this communication crisis alone. 

I wish I didn’t handle this alone, and actually designated a close friend as my person to do this for me. Designate a trusted friend or family member as your communication spokesperson. 

Use these scripts to protect your energy for grieving while meeting the practical demands that death unfortunately brings.

Your loved one’s death has shattered your world. These scripts exist so that necessary conversations don’t shatter you further. Use them, adapt them, and know that thousands of Canadian families have found strength in having the right words ready when their own words failed them.